Hamstrung in Lockdown!
All change. Time to adapt again. I have adapted better than I thought I would to the COVID_19 Lockdown. Week 7 has been and gone and on we go with no clear idea of when and how we will restart life or how life will look on the other side . Many think the restart button will be hit and off we will go, the same as we did before, as if the virus had not changed everything. I don’t think so. This is totally unprecedented and we will all have to embrace a brave new world of uncertainty.
I really think the ramifications and shockwaves will be massive and trauma can go through generations..Trauma..Shockwaves Through the generations... The economy has taken a hit the likes of which has not been seen for a very long time. Businesses are foundering and many families will be collapsing. Alcohol dependency will be greater than ever before, domestic violence at a peak. The long term effects on mental health will be considerable, for this generation and possibly generations to come Moving on from Lockdown...
I have adapted to not seeing my sister since February. We meet on Zoom and have charades on a Friday evening. I connect with friends on FaceTime and Zoom for a coffee morning. It is tiring and feels daring at times to have this type of interaction but is better than the alternative. I have adjusted to other levels of sadness that I will skim over in this blog.
I have coped by structuring my week Living Through COVID. I work in the week and have a different pattern at the weekend. I have worked as a therapist and coach online for a number of years, so this has not changed, but the fact that I am not seeing anyone face to face is not my preferred way of working. I have not had any new referrals fo some time, my business is dwindling as people bunker down in order to survive. I understand this, as everyone is at home. Where can a person get any space to work on themselves whist working from home, or being furloughed and worrying about money? They are also being with the family 24/7 and being expected to teach as well if they have school aged children.
Adapt & Add Structure.
I have been doing training courses and sorting out my office space. I have been doing online Be Military Fit since the beginning of this new reality. I have taken up Pilates and found I enjoy it! My dogs have loved their hour long walks to the park and I have actually been running, not enjoyed running but done it!
Art has become important to me once again and I have set myself a project of decorating a room a week. We are now in the middle of doing the extension and lounge in one go and have been waiting for the paint to arrive via Amazon. My counselling room has been completed and downstairs bathroom is nearly there. I had developed coping strategies that were helping me through this new reality.
Then, on Friday 24/4/20 I went for a run with the dogs and my husband in the park. A beautiful morning, sun shining and I was feeling ok! We ran to the far edge of the park, the trees were casting a shadow on the ground and the sun was breaking through the leaves overhead. I had left my sunglasses on and then I tripped. I thought I had saved myself, kept on stumbling forward, thought I had saved myself again and then felt my face and left ear scrape across the ground. I stopped moving forwards but was aware of the friction between my ear, face and the sandy ground.
I cried out. Dermot tried to get me to my feet. I felt excruciating pain in my hamstring and shouted he had to put me back down. I was crying with pain. As I rolled on the ground in agony, I saw 2 sets of dog walkers circumnavigating us, swathing a path through the overgrown brambles bordering the path. They were respecting social distancing but ignoring common decency. They did not acknowledge us at all or ask us if we needed any help. They just walked on by!
Dermot then tried to get me up, the idea being to walk to a road. I thought he could throw me over a fence and then I would be on the side of the bypass and he could collect me. It seemed like a good idea! I could only stand with my left leg raised up higher than my waist and couldn’t hop very far. I tried to shuffle on my bottom but this was a no go. Derm had to piggy back me to a road. He struggled on under my weight, stride getting shorter, breath more ragged, getting lower down to the ground with each step. By the time we reached the road he was barely upright, staggering from side to side!
He dumped me on the kerb as he went and got the car. A man with 2 white dogs, 2 joggers, a young family all passed me. I was grazed and bleeding from my face, ear, shoulder, knees and nobody asked me how I was or if I needed help! I just sat there. Derm came with the car , piggy backed my up and threw me into the front seat. I was like a turtle on its back. Legs in the air, back on the seat, unable to manoeuvre myself in.
When I got home, I had to be carried in and dumped on the sofa. The only way I could get around was to do the crab walk that Taz the BMF trainer had made me do for years in the park. I never knew what it would do for me and now I know! So I got on my bum, lifted myself up onto my heels and hands and walked backward to the stairs and then up 2 flights to my loft. The only way I have been able to get around is to bind my thigh with a knee support.
So, the point of this blog is that I have made myself adjust again! I have stopped myself from doing all the things that I have been focusing on to keep myself sane. I cannot exercise or walk at the moment. I can’t decorate. I can’t even get in the bath, a favourite relaxing event in my day. I am having to ask for help, something I hate doing. I am having to wait for members of my family to get up and get on with things. I am having to pace my requests so that I do not overload them, whilst taking into account the fact that they do not work at my pace or juggle as many things as I like to do.
Act…Stop Feeling Sorry for Myself!
The reality of having to adjust again is overwhelming. But I have to act, so this morning I have booked into the physio online to get some exercises to speed up my recovery, whilst being safe. It is important to exercise it but not over do it. I am aiming to walk the dogs soon and gradually build that up. I am annoyed with myself for adding another layer of frustration to my life that just compounds the current situation.
I said that I would come out of the lockdown fitter, thinner and in a good place mentally. Best laid plans and all that. But do you know what ? When I read and hear how some individuals and families have been affected by this terrible event, it puts things in perspective. Many people have endured and will continue to endure real suffering for a long time to come. My “suffering” is nothing compared to them, I realise that. A physical injury is going to mend but a deep emotional wound…well that is a challenge to be endured by far too many.