Parenting Children who are now Adults ( Nearly!)
This is a phase that we all go through if we have children but little is talked about how to make this essential transition into a different relationship with our children as they mature. We have to evolve or we stand to alienate our children and I for one would hate this to happen.
There is going to be peace in this house…
The words sung in Wild Rose by Jessie Buckley, struck a chord with me on many levels. Her song was simple, pure & moving. I thought, yes that is what I want in my home. I want peace and mutual respect. I want to make real time to listen to and hear all of my families dreams and desires, for them to truly feel held and gentled by my presence. It fell upon my ears at a time when I am looking for answers and learning how to be a Mum in this next phase life. (Transitions into the Fall
I am in transition as a parent,
No longer the Mum of children but of 2 adults and one soon to be 18 year old. I have changed & adapted throughout my life with my lovely, contrary, shy, smiley children. The greatest change occurred when I sought ways to be with my complex son Loving Eric, who challenges every aspect of my belief in how effective I am or have been as a parent. This summer is drawing to a close, my middle daughter leaves for University( Attachment Theory for Parents & the Art of Letting Go! ) in 2weeks time and change is all around me.
I am the adult and must adapt to carve out new relationships with all of my children in this new phase. I must be softer and have realised that I am still very much in the ‘have you showered? Do your teeth..Bedtime’… mentality. This must be replaced by an open curiosity about my children’s lives. Opinions kept to myself, no need to share unless sought out. I must learn to sit back and watch with a kindly eye, ever ready to step in if my help is wanted. Remain present, interested but withhold judgement because this only pushes my son away and annoys my girls.
I must transition into my new role of observer rather than organiser.
I must be less helpful and allow them to stumble, for they will not break. My children are maturing and must take their next steps on their own, but in the knowledge that I will always be there, heart ready & arms outstretched to encompass them if needs be.I must be ready to adapt into what is needed in the here and now, leaving my past shapes and patterns in the past for today and tomorrow is about moving forward but ensuring they know that they are loved.
‘There’s gonna be peace in this house
Some belief in this house
Every good thing that ever happens
Happens from the inside out’ By
(Angela Kaset & Doug Gill)
https://youtu.be/USFIznQV7L8 If you feel that this is reflecting how you are feeling, then I am available to help! LauraMorrisseyCounselling@gmail.com My 2 books are available on Amazon & through a link on this page Loving Eric : A personal story about Adoption, Attachment, Autism & ADHD Anxiety Workbook 1.Picture of teens & paint: Photo by Patrick Buck on Unsplash 2.Picture of Balloons: Photo by Ankush Minda on Unsplash 3.Shush: Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash 4.Open: Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash