Our lives are affected by the events that shape us
Our lives are affected by the events that shape us, but more importantly by the stories we tell of our life events. We can become entrenched in our version of how things occurred, we tell our story, often in a clinical manner devoid of real emotion. We anaesthetise ourselves against unpleasant recollections by dissociating – something we are all capable of doing to some greater or lesser extent.
We Focus on labels form our past to define us
We focus on one or two details of our past that explain why are the way that we are. We re- tell the story of being the least favourite child, the middle child, the ugly child… and these scripts from our early years foreshadow how we are to be as adults. They create a blueprint that we can mindlessly follow and constantly recreate in the belief that this is our defining quality.
Transactional Analysis looks at Scripts in depth and Ed Berne (1) writes:
“…our life script is an unconscious pathway created in childhood, reinforced by our parents, and strengthened with evidence sought throughout life ensuring our beliefs are justified.”
As adults or individuals approaching adulthood, we can decide whether or not these scripts and recollections of events are serving us well or not.
Unless we break free of these early constraints we cannot be true to ourselves but continue to live a life that has been scripted for us by another. The way to break free of these binds is to view ourselves and our life stories through new eyes from a different perspective.
I call this changing our lenses through which we recall our life. With a change of a lens our past becomes different, our understanding of who we are, want to be and are capable of being shifts drastically. Unshackling our past frees our futures up to be fulfilling and gives us the choice of how we choose to live from here on in.
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