Love & Misunderstandings at Christmas!
We are human. We love. We care, We get it wrong! This Christmas period is more complex than probably any other in our lifetimes ( 10 Xmas Coping Strategies! Be At Your Best!) Christmas can be a tinder box of emotions in more normal times but this year there are even more layers of expectation, disappointment , pressure The Anxiety Compass. This time of year can shine the spotlight onto all of our relationships and make us question them in a critical light.
We may be feeling unloved, unappreciated, unseen by the significant others in our lives but the festive periods of times gone by, makes us sit indoors with these others and breathe the same air for too many days! By Boxing Day everyone is looking for a breather. This year we may be allowed to meet with 2 other families, as a special dispensation from the Government. COVID Living Through COVID has meant that we have been separated from loved ones, in some cases, since March and the anticipation of the Xmas get together will in some houses cause tension alongside joy.
Improve Relationship Now!
To help Xmas run smoothly, now is great time to really look at all of our relationships. All too often I see husbands, wives, daughters, sons who feel unloved but when you really look at the relationship, it can be the case that each has different way of showing and receiving love. Ok, it is true, that some relationships are past repair…and letting go with kindness is sometimes the best option.
I heard Gary Chapman (1) on a podcast when driving to London….remember those times when we could drive to see our families?? He was talking about the fact that we all give and receive love in a certain way. We have a blueprint, I suppose about how we express love and also how we want to receive it. If the other person has a different blueprint, then you are communicating in a different language. One persons love falls on deaf ears of the other. Feelings get hurt, rejection sets in and relationships founder on the alter of miscommunication.
The 5 Categories according to Chapman are:
Words of affirmation: Maybe compliments, kind comments…words!
Acts of Service: I prefer the words ‘Acts of Kindness’ ie I love you, so I shall make tea, run you a bath…
Receiving Gifts: The act of having a gift bought for you may make you feel loved
Quality Time: Spending time with each other is enough
Physical Touch: Appropriate human contact, a cuddle, holding hands
If you are with someone who sees no need to buy you gifts but your primary language is that of ‘Receiving Gifts’ then you will probably feel unloved. The fact that they always tell you how funny you are is not enough. Equally, if you do not buy them gifts but always cuddle them, they in turn may feel unloved.
I find it can translate well into other relationships also…see how you give love and how Mum gives and receives love…it can be illuminating and can save a lot of heartache.
Follow this link to take the quiz! It may save your relationship!
- Chapman,G: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/5-love-languages/